The #1 Drawback to Working with Internet Technology

I recently came across a fantastic post on a blog called Get Girls Not Game entitled: "The 7 Deadly Sins of Approaching a Woman That Will Turn Her Off Instantly."

Well, according to this list of the seven deadly sins, sin #2 is the one that keeps me from reaching paradise. It reads:

2. Not Understanding How To Tactfully Move Things Forward

Now I’m going to blow you away with a little insider dating secret… A woman is expecting you to move an interaction forward… and actually will get turned off if you fail to do so. Let me say this again: If you don’t move an interaction toward intimacy and get physical with her, women will actually LOSE their attraction to you.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you’re talking to a girl for more than a couple minutes, she’s probably already thinking, “Okay, when is going to ask for my number?” or even, “Okay, so when is he going to kiss me?” And if you don’t do it—or fail to do it smoothly—then she’ll actually “cool off” and start thinking of ways to dismiss you: “I think we’re better off just being friends…”
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating… Confidently approaching a woman, going for the number, asking her out, kissing her, getting sexual… everything. If you hesitate or don’t know what to do in each situation, you will end up losing EVERYTHING. And you know it.
It is crucial that you understand how to tactfully move from one step to the next with a woman… from the approach, all the way to the bedroom.

In my younger years I never had to do anything. ANYTHING. They (countless gorgeous twenty-somethings) would initiate the conversation, chat me up and move things forward until I had rounded the bases and tipped my cap for the fans.

Well, one day it all just stopped. I remember what day it was and what activity it was that started my unfortunate reversal of fortune. In my mid-20's I started selling stuff on Ebay to help pay for my rent while I was finishing up with college. It turned into a career in web development, trading premium aftermarket domain names, social media marketing, SEO and so forth. In other words, for all intents and purposes I became a geek.

I'm still the same guy all the ladies were fawning over in high school and college. I'm still just as fit as I was when I was the star player on my college rugby team (and multiple sports teams in high school). It matters not. I have an uphill battle to fight.

Yes, the same guy who exerted zero effort in landing a babe that years later moved to Los Angeles to become an actress and model and at one point dated Shia Labeouf has to work for every base hit these days.

My personality hasn't really changed either. They (mid-20's single women - my target demographic... I'm almost 30 fwiw) seem to be programmed to be averse to guys who spend a lot of time around computers. Even successful guys whose careers involve lots of computer and in particular internet work.

For all you younger fellows that have yet to make up your mind about what you'd like to do for a living, if you decide upon internet work, make sure you sew your wild oats before embarking on your career, and if you have any desire to be married, you may want to find the lucky lady first as well. The alternative is to lie about what you do.

In any case, it's certainly something to consider as one of the major drawbacks of an otherwise exciting, mentally stimulating and very enjoyable line of work.

Author's Note: The other drawbacks include having to work insane hours, having to constantly learn new technologies - even after you've reached an age where you don't want to learn anymore, and bidding a permanent farewell to the feeling of being well-rested.

Lobbyists Gone Wild: D.C. Darlings

Editor's Note: In order to fully experience this post, I recommend clicking the "preview" button on the widget below and allowing the music to play while you read through the post.

Ever wonder what happens when the Washington Monument and the Oval Office get together for a joint appropriations hearing?

IT'S LOBBYISTS GONE WILD! - 'D.C. DARLINGS'

You won't believe the things these crazy guys and gals are willing do to get into bed with congress! This limited edition 'Lobbyists Gone Wild' extravaganza contains two full hours of raw, non-stop footage that will leave you amazed and wanting more.

See what really goes on when you turn out the vote and we turn on the cameras! Watch as these crazy lobbyists try to insert your tax dollars into places you never even knew existed!

If you think you've seen earmarks ---- THINK AGAIN! This video is 100% guaranteed to shock and amaze. In it, you'll find out just how many of these wild and crazy lobbyists can squeeze together inside a single pork-barrel. You'll also find out the real story about what goes on in the nation's capital after dark.

This shocking video is guaranteed to make you question the definition of "is". As we take you behind the scenes, you'll get access to raw, uncensored footage of Uncle Sam sticking Lady Liberty with more pork than Ron Jeremy to Marilyn Chambers in "Janet of the Apes".

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Lobbyists Gone Wild: 'Interns Unleashed' features two intense hours of shocking clips that show what really goes on when interns and lobbyists are left alone in a room with only a bottle of Viagra, a cigar and 2.5 trillion in foreign debt.

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* Lobbyists Gone Wild accepts no responsibility for the actions of any persons appearing in the film including but not limited to those of Lobbyists, Democrats, Bill Clinton, Madeleine Albright, Janet Reno and/or Napolitano.

* LGW does NOT endorse or in any other way support or condone smoking marijuana without inhaling.

* LGW strongly advises that persons intending to view this film first speak with a doctor or healthcare provider about this film's potential side effects. These may include: nausea, vomiting, constipation, indigestion, gastrointestinal upset, diarrhea and temporary dementia.

* The sights sounds and images included with these DVD's does not justify spontaneously moving to Mexico (or Canada).

* Surprisingly (and thankfully), "Janet of the Apes" has nothing to do with DHS Secretary Napolitano.

* Viewer (and voter) discretion is strongly advised.

God's Apple Pie

I recently came across a blog post at a site called Daddy Hogwash that discussed God's desire for a hot apple pie, and the 13 billion year wait he had to first endure before it was ready for him to ear. The post is entitled: "What God Wants".

Since it (the post) was so short, it would be difficult to use a truncated citation without losing an important part of the message. I quoted the entire post, and linked to it as well (the link appears at the end of this post).

Anyway, here are the contents of the post:

It turns out, all God really wanted was an apple pie. Unfortunately for him, he had to wait a little over 13 billion years for all of the ingredients to ripen they way he wanted.

You would think that if God wanted an apple pie, he would have just created an apple pie.

Can you imagine the finger-tapping at the table waiting for the apple pie for 13.7 billion years?

“A watched universe never bakes a pie,” his auntie told him in some language that no one understands.

While the author certainly brings up a good point, the post is lacking a crucial piece of information that I know would at least leave me feeling unfulfilled upon reading the post if I didn't already know the answer to the obvious question raised by the above.

[Image: Almighty God and his Angels enjoy some divine apple pie]

No Longer Hungry

The worst part about it is that by the time the pie was finally ready, the overwhelming likelihood is that he wasn't even hungry and didn't want it anymore. Since he is infallible, we can deduce that he would not have eaten the pie out of gluttony. This begs the question of what exactly happened to the pie if God didn't eat it.

So what ultimately became of the pie?

Being in that he's God, he most likely donated it to a homeless shelter instead. That way, those who really need it would have been able to enjoy it, and the food would not have gone to waste.

My guess would be that if God for whatever couldn't make it to the homeless shelter, he most likely fed it to his dog. And yes, God's pet can indule on treats that our earth-bound pets cannot. If one of them ever does happen to eat enough of something harmful to potentiall hurt or kill the animal, Jesus can always go and pray over (which completely heals it).

How do you know all this?

How do I know all this? I was recently hired to build God's website and serve as his webmaster once it is complete.  The site should be ready in a couple of weeks.  The domain name at which God's website will reside is either going to be AlmightyGod.info or AlmightyGod.ws.

For what it's worth, as best I could discern during my first and only visit to the site, Daddy Hogwash seems to be a blog about religion, as seen through the eyes of an atheist. I could be wrong I suppose (although it's not likely), as I only spent a couple of minutes on the site after I finished reading the article.

The post from Daddy Hogwash referenced within this article can be viewed here.

Date's Bieber Fever a Red Flag?

The Context

A couple of weeks ago while driving home one evening after work, I decided to pull into my favorite convenience store (Spell's Grocery on Lee Road in Covington, LA for anyone wondering) to pick up a cold beverage and a pack of smokes just as I have done hundreds if not thousands of times over the years.  This was no ordinary pit-stop however, as I would soon find out.

Photo: Spell's Grocery (right) and Amy's Place (left) on Lee Road in Covington

Everything seemed normal enough at first.  I went inside the store, got what I needed and checked out.  As I was walking to my car (a black '95 Mercedes Benz 300E - Diesel), I heard a pounding on the glass coming from the beauty salon next door to Spell's.  I abruptly turned around to find Holly (that's not her real name, but that's what we'll call her), one of the hairdressers, aggressively motioning me to come into the beauty salon.

The Ladies at the Beauty Parlor Told Me... (that I had a hot date)

Upon entering, she promptly and in no uncertain terms informed me that I would be taking her Cousin Daisy (that's not her real name either, but you get the point) out on a date.  Naturally, I was a bit taken aback by all of this, so I in a noncommittal but polite way asked if she had any photos of her cousin.  She did.  Much to my surprise, the girl in the photos was not the one with the 'nice personality' I was expecting, but much to the contrary was quite attractive.

Without giving pause, I agreed to the date.  It wouldn't happen for a couple of weeks, as she attends college several hours away from where I reside, and any date would have to occur on a weekend when she came home to visit her family.

Sure, I figured there must be something very wrong with the girl.  I mean, what kind of gorgeous female college student has so much trouble meeting guys that she needs her cousin back in her hometown to set her up on a date?  Beats me too, but several weeks ago I decided to stop questioning it.

The Girl

Anyway, so I call her, and we go out.  The date went well enough.  Our waitress at the restaurant was incompetent, which put us on a tight time-frame, but she handled being forced to rush through her dinner with class and elegance, and somehow managed to turn the negative into an overall positive as she impressed me with her ability to roll with the punches as I did her when I took control of the situation (which I eventually did do).

All-in-all, she's a delightful girl.  For one thing, she's downright beautiful.  She's intelligent, classy, graceful, popular (she has over 1,600 Facebook friends and is not a professional social media marketer, web publisher or SEO), somewhat charming and definitely a whole lot of fun to be around.  We have plans to go out again the next time she's in town, and she has told me her plans are to move back home at the end of the semester and transfer to a school that's closer to home.

For a while there I suspected her age may become an issue.  She's a young one, still a few months away from being of legal drinking age (that's age 20 for those of you in Rio Linda).  However, even those things I initially saw as likely drawbacks had not materialized as such --- at least until now.

The Problem: She Has "Bieber Fever"

You see, it was with great regret that I recently came across an extremely unsettling status update on her Facebook page that has me rethinking my entire assessment of this girl and questioning whether or not she's even date-worthy material.

She has the Bieber Fever and appears to be perfectly content with it.  I just don't know how safe I would feel being alone with a young woman who suffers from Bieber Fever.

We've all seen the headlines: "Teen Survives Justin Bieber-Inspired Death Threats;" "Selena Gomez (and/or Kim Kardashian) Getting Death Threats From Bieber Fans;" "Bieber Fans Go On Grammy-Fueled Wikipedia Rampage."

Can I really feel safe around this girl?  What if I slip up and make some joke about the androgynous singer (See! Like that) that she doesn't find to be funny?  What if it just downright offends her and angers her so much she feels compelled to take action?  Would she actually attack me physically, or would her assaults be confined to the world of the social web?  Which of the two (being attacked physically or staring down angry hoards of teenage girls online) would be more harmful to my wellbeing?

Right now I'm just not sure what to do.  This could be a passing phase, but then again there's never before been a Justin Bieber and science has found no cure to date for Bieber Fever.  Is it likely to happen at some point in the future?  Maybe, but how sure can a guy be?

I have more questions than answers at this point.  If I had to make a decision today, I suppose it would be to proceed with caution, but that could change at any moment.

Any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated.  Please share any insights you may have in the comments.

Happy Valentines Day to all my family, friends, readers and fans!

The Real Reason Why the Elephant Symbolizes the Republican Party

Strength, dignity, intelligence... all nice characteristics upon which to base a symbolic mascot to represent the people who make up the GOP.

However, as evidenced by the photo, it is clear that there is another reason why the elephant symbolizes the Republican Party...

He's Definitely a Republican Elephant...

Stolen Van Crashes Into Uptown Home While Tenants Play GTA Inside

This from the 'you can't make this stuff up' category: The following is a true story of an incident that took place while I was living in uptown New Orleans while attending college in late 2002 or 2003.

Seven or eight years ago, I was attending school in New Orleans and renting the downstairs of a house near the uptown campus.  One cold night while my roommates and I were inside playing Grand Theft Auto on Playstation 2, a stolen van flattened the hedges in our front yard before plowing through the side of the house.  It came to a rest just a few feet away from where I was sitting.

Prior to its collision with the house, the van struck two cars while fleeing the scene of the initial theft.  One of the drivers caught up to the van when it came to a stop in the side of the house.  The driver of the stolen vehicle -- an overweight middle-aged woman -- attempted to flee the scene on foot but was successfully pursued by the driver of one of the hit-and-run victims.  The driver whose car was struck caught up to the woman and tackled her, and then held her down until police arrived.

The photo above is meant to help the reader envision what the scene looked like from the vantage point of my roommates and I.  It was not taken at the crime scene described in this post.