Thursday, February 24, 2011

God's Apple Pie

I recently came across a blog post at a site called Daddy Hogwash that discussed God's desire for a hot apple pie, and the 13 billion year wait he had to first endure before it was ready for him to ear. The post is entitled: "What God Wants".

Since it (the post) was so short, it would be difficult to use a truncated citation without losing an important part of the message. I quoted the entire post, and linked to it as well (the link appears at the end of this post).

Anyway, here are the contents of the post:
It turns out, all God really wanted was an apple pie. Unfortunately for him, he had to wait a little over 13 billion years for all of the ingredients to ripen they way he wanted.

You would think that if God wanted an apple pie, he would have just created an apple pie.

Can you imagine the finger-tapping at the table waiting for the apple pie for 13.7 billion years?

“A watched universe never bakes a pie,” his auntie told him in some language that no one understands.

While the author certainly brings up a good point, the post is lacking a crucial piece of information that I know would at least leave me feeling unfulfilled upon reading the post if I didn't already know the answer to the obvious question raised by the above.

[Image: Almighty God and his Angels enjoy some divine apple pie]

No Longer Hungry

The worst part about it is that by the time the pie was finally ready, the overwhelming likelihood is that he wasn't even hungry and didn't want it anymore. Since he is infallible, we can deduce that he would not have eaten the pie out of gluttony. This begs the question of what exactly happened to the pie if God didn't eat it.

So what ultimately became of the pie?

Being in that he's God, he most likely donated it to a homeless shelter instead. That way, those who really need it would have been able to enjoy it, and the food would not have gone to waste.

My guess would be that if God for whatever couldn't make it to the homeless shelter, he most likely fed it to his dog. And yes, God's pet can indule on treats that our earth-bound pets cannot. If one of them ever does happen to eat enough of something harmful to potentiall hurt or kill the animal, Jesus can always go and pray over (which completely heals it).

How do you know all this?

How do I know all this? I was recently hired to build God's website and serve as his webmaster once it is complete.  The site should be ready in a couple of weeks.  The domain name at which God's website will reside is either going to be or

For what it's worth, as best I could discern during my first and only visit to the site, Daddy Hogwash seems to be a blog about religion, as seen through the eyes of an atheist. I could be wrong I suppose (although it's not likely), as I only spent a couple of minutes on the site after I finished reading the article.

The post from Daddy Hogwash referenced within this article can be viewed here.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Build Your Own Website in Minutes